DOGE To Send $1 Million Stimulus Checks to Every Republican
A surprising announcement from the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has even the most stalwart advocates for the new federal office doing a double-take. DOGE’s de facto leader Elon Musk has stated that the Department plans to distribute $1 million stimulus checks to every Republican in America. Citizens across the political spectrum are scrambling to understand how the partisan payout could possibly be legal – and also how they can get their hands on the funds.
‘Efficiency Dividend’
The bombshell announcement was unveiled by DOGE in a 3 a.m. press release on Tuesday, April 1. The statement framed the massive cash distribution as an “efficiency dividend” resulting from the department’s cost-cutting measures since January.
“We’ve saved the government so much money that we’re giving it back to the people who elected us,” declared Musk during an impromptu press conference held in the back of a Cybertruck on the White House lawn. “Every registered Republican will receive exactly one million dollars. That’s efficiency!”